omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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