Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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