Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
