i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
