he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
