I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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