i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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