He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
