I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
