Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
