We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
