I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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