no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
