I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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