It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
