i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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