at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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