All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
as a side note pls kill me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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