I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
