Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
