hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
