Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
