Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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