If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
