Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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