swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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