Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
