its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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