all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
