i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
