So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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