ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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