I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
