just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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