Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
