i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
