for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
