So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
