I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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