i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
