I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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