hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
