She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
