Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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