Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize