kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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