so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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