He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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