Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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