Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No...this little piggys going to the bar
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I enjoy the company of your penis
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
