I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
