I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
