did you get engaged???
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize
