You really coming over, don't trick.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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