if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
