I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
