you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
