Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
