So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
