i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
