i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
