And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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