Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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