His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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