i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
