Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
