I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
