Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
