I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
