I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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