My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
