I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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