There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
