he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
